then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i out mim tonsoeep
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
