Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize