May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
