just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize