there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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