VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
