i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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