I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
