oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
