maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
