My first STD was from a foam party
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
