You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
