I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
