if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
