So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
