my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
