physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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