Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
