I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
