What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Let's get the cat blown out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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