My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
