Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
