His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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