Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
