I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
