There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
