Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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