Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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