Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
