i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Less talking, more tequila
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
