I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
40s are totally the cure
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
