that's an acceptable place to lick
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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