I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
