I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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