in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
