I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
