lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
