I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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