I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
