Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
