I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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