so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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