if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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