you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
