We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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