i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize