my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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