i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
