It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
