So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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