Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
