why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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