I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
