so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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