If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
