why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize