I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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